My daughter was just a little one year old and I was mostly a stay at home mom doing photography part time. My husband, B was the provider. We had a beautiful place to call home, and I really liked it. I was comfortable...
One day B brought up the idea of going back to school full time. He had always wanted to finish his engineering degree and after having Mila it was a burning desire for him. But going to school full time meant he wouldn't be working, and my first thought was: WHOA. But I knew this was something that meant a lot to him and I wanted him to go after it.
"what do we have to do?" I asked.... "well campus is an hour away, and I think we'll have to sell the house."
Whoa.
It took me by surprise. This was our house for 6 years after all, we were settled there and it truly felt like home. But selling it also made total sense.
We took a drive down to the university campus and toured the "family housing home model" (ehh that's a stretch). With B not working and me still wanting to stay with Mila as much as possible. We were going to have to downsize our expenses (so that we weren't stressed!) and I was going to work more.
Walking throughout the house was rough. I had major anxiety. There was a dark tint on all the windows (umm why), very little natural light, linoleum floors, super low ceilings, and a very vintage kitchen (not the good kind of vintage you guys). - the "model" ladies and gentlemen.
I almost feel embarrassed to admit this... but on the way home I cried. I cried a lot. And also came to a moment of self acceptance for being a total lighting snob. B felt bad and tried figuring out other options, but I knew in my heart that all paths were leading us here. To this place. To get uncomfortable. And to take a risk.
We soon put our home up for sale and it sold in less then 4 days. There was no time to overthink things and there was no looking back. As hard as it was to say goodbye to the place that we called home, I knew it wasn't meant for us anymore. It wasn't OUR home anymore and I had an overflowing sense of peace even though the future was so uncertain.
So here we are two years later. B fresh from graduation, and our family about to grow from 3 to 4. Somehow, even with all the sacrifices these last two years have required, they've been some of the happiest and most beautiful of my whole life. Even with the lack of windows. ;)
With B not working we had TIME. We could do little things like go grocery shopping as a family. We could take a day and go to the art museum. We could road trip last minute. We had TIME. And it was (and is) so precious.
When I would work B was able to spend quality time with his daughter and develop (what is to me) the most beautiful father-daughter relationship I have ever witnessed and I could literally cry thinking about it (actually, nope. I'm definitely crying). Our bonds are even stronger: and our love, completely unbreakable.
Now our "college life" is coming to a close and we're currently working out the details of our next steps, but to be honest I'm not even going to try and figure out what the future has in store. It has a way of always keeping us on our toes and I'm okay with that. I hope to update you all soon!
ALSO, This will be the LAST blog post here on my AW site! Check out the journals NEW HOME here! I've been slowly working on something a little different and will share more soon! Be sure to subscribe and stay in the know!